Seems like the only time I post on this darn thing is when the following conditions are met:
- my work's died down (i.e.: not during the middle of term)
- my life is not boring (i.e.: not in the middle of my holiday breaks)
- I'm not busy being festive or travelling (i.e.: not Christmas / Lebaran)
Hang on, that crosses out the whole year.
Oh well...
Yes, the blog's not dead. If you've read this blog before, you know I have the habit of beating this blog on its head and putting it into a coma for months, before splashing it with water, and then beating it again. Call it blog abuse, but it's not the first time I've done it. Not the last, either.
I decided to go back to blogging because a startling fact just dawned on me not too long ago.
I'm going to be 20 soon.
So what?
Well, maybe I'm being overly melodramatic, but I can't help to ask the question: what the heck was the last 20 years all about, and what's coming up in the next 20 years?
A part of me thinks the last 20 years was just a disarray, a mess, a shaky foundation to a future that's going to fall and tumble majestically. A road downhill (and anyone who's cycled with me knows that I can be a road hazard when coming downhill).
A part of me thinks the last 20 years was eventful, meaningful, purposeful, and all things considering, no small feat. (The other part of me is cynical, as usual.)
I keep having different scenarios in my head about how my life's going to end up.
- I live to be a centenarian, married with kids and grandkids (and great grandkids).
- I live to be a centenarian, alone.
- I live till age 40, death by cancer.
- I live till age 35, alone, living on the street.
- I live till age 21, end of.
I don't think I want to talk about number 6.
- Probability of me getting a girlfriend = 0.0005,
partly because I'm a self-centred workaholic who went to an all-boys school, and forgot how to socialise with girls. FACT. - Probability of me getting a job that's not with my dad = 0.001,
partly because my dad often gets his way, and because I can't stay to work anywhere else in Indonesia (because my command of the Bahasa Indonesia language is laughable), and because I'm Indonesian, I'm gonna need the luck of an Irishman (literally) if I ever want to migrate, and even then, I'm gonna need the sort of luck my Dad has if I think I can survive on my own. - Probability of me graduating from Uni with a First or 2:1 = 0.75 -
the only thing I can look forward to right now, before life goes downhill. - Probability of me getting either cancer, a mental disorder, dementia, diabetes/coronary heart disease, or killed by a fatal cycling accident = 1
it's as certain as death in itself. If it's any consolation to me, I've narrowed down the possible ways I could die into that list up there. - Cancer from the microwaved dinners/improper diet,
- mental disorder+dementia are already showing its teeth (by that, I mean the research studies show that these become more prevalent with people today as they age),
- diabetes because of my mum's side (potentially hereditary),
- coronary heart disease because of the sort of diet I have when I'm in Indo with my family, and
- cycling accidents have happened to me a few times already, so the "lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place" rule is abolished for that last one.
- Probability that any of the statistics I've mentioned are wrong/inaccurate, including this one that's coming up: 0.99
K, jokes from a slightly down and depressed guy.
You know what, I'm signing off here before I come up with any more grim jokes like that.
Sorry if this was the first time you've read a thing that I typed, btw.
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