family issues...

I've just been thinking...

I have something like an 11 or 12 years age gap between me and my brothers.

And I have a 36 and 40 years age gap with my mum and dad respectively.

And add to that, the fact that I only see them for only 1 to 3 months a year for the last decade.

It's no wonder I'm not getting along so well with anyone in my family. I mean, there's always miscommunication.

Case-in-point:

My dad doesn't seem to know when I'm asking a question or making a statement. And he seems to think I'm an idiot. Probably because I do tend to act quite clumsily in front of him.

My mum has no understanding of the world, and talking to her is like talking to a granny with amnesia - they forgot what year it is, and hence, they think you're 6, even if you are 18. And she doesn't trust me at all when it comes to driving. Even though I did drive in the dark with no street lights from Jakarta to Sukabumi along the smaller roads, and even though I "chauffeur" my bro when he goes out with his gf.

My eldest bro and I are fine, since we do share quite a lot of interests - music, tech, cars. Just that his jokes can get annoying. And that he's a married man with his own house and family, so I don't really chat with him that much.

My 2nd bro just ignores me because he thinks I'm an attention seeker. And maybe it's because I'm sensitive (I am, actually, quite aware of this), but I feel that he treats me as some sort of a second-rate failed person. Sure, I'm a book-smart guy, whereas he's a street-smart person. And yes, a street-smart person has better survival instinct in Indonesia than a person who just reads the textbooks. But you don't have to bring my ego down to the level of a servant.

And then there's the fact that I can't get my voice heard in a family conversation. Maybe it's my accent (or lack of it). Maybe it's my intonation. Or maybe my language is just too abstruse or esoteric, if not senseless and amateurish. Maybe it's my youth; my naivety; my ignorance; my lack of knowledge; my (perceived) stupidity; my attention-seeking tendency; my strange humour; whatever. I just wished that what I say don't fall to deaf ears. I just wished they get picked up by someone and debated about when there's a conversation. And don't say it's rude - if it's a family conversation, am I not part of the family? Sure, I'm a bit odd compared to everyone else in the family - a misfit. But who cares? Family is family!

Before I end this post, I just wanted to point out something ironic. The people with whom I spend less time with - my eldest bro, my sis-in-law, my bro's girlfriend - seem to be more attentive to me than everyone else in the family.

Sorry, just had to blurp that out - can't suppress my family issues any longer.