If I were to be a journalist, what are some things I would write in my articles or say in my news segment?
On North Korea...
Imagine this world is a nursery, and the leaders of each country on this earth are the infants in this colossal-scale nursery. Kim Jong Il is the attention-seeking baby that keeps threatening the other kiddies around him (Japan and South Korea) with death threats and toy 'nuclear bombs'. Not only that, but it's the fat b*stard with cancer (the people in North Korea - haven't you heard how they're suffering from malnourishment? and besides, KJI is ageing, so it's only fair that we say he is ill). And to add insult to the injury, he's in his own imaginary world, with the "I'm the beloved leader" manifesto that his dad got from his former friend Stalin (they died). Because KJI is stuck in his own egoistic world, and he has nuclear weapons, and he demands attention from all the other babies, he wants the others to know that he's powerful and everyone on this playground should give him whatever they have.
In summary, Kim Jong Il is an attention-seeking, fat, egoistic and terminally-ill mafia baby, who happens to have nuclear toys.
On the Iranian election and Ahmedinejad...
Let's say Iran is a classroom. Ahmedinejad would be the class monitor, and Khamenei (Iran's Supreme Leader) is the teacher.
The election we just saw is like the class vote for class monitor. The very influential people in the class - the prefects (representing the military and Government official in Iran) and the rumour spreaders (the media, AKA the propaganda machine) - are pro-Ahmedinejad. And the teacher is biased towards the incumbent because he's so obedient. So, naturally, they might swing the rest of the class to support their leader of choice. When Ahmedinejad speaks, everyone has to listen. When Mousavi wants to say what he'll do if he were elected, the Mahmoud-backers would make noise and disrupt the speech. Right? And when voting ends, the class teacher will say "Ahmedinejad, you won", regardless of the votes and protests from the students who hated Ahmedinejad and want him kicked out of the class for causing them so much trouble, being the tyrant he is.
That's the Iranian election simplified. It's just a case of class monitor voting gone horribly wrong, leading to 7 dead. What a bloody class. The teacher should be fired, and the students expelled.
On Global warming and Credit purchase...
I'm starting to feel global warming is a myth.
The doom-sayers keep telling us to save the planet - cut your carbon footprint, use public transport, don't fly - use sails and kayaks, don't exhale until you float and reach outside the atmosphere, and don't decompose if you die. Blah blah blah.
That's what the pro-earth people say. What about the everyday human beings? And what about the powerful people? Businesses? Power plants? Governments?
If I were leader of the entire earth, I would make sure every part of this earth where sunlight can reach has solar panels. I would make sure every place where tidal and wind energy can be harnessed be used to get our energy supply. Bottom line: I would globalize all energy companies. They would be funded collectively by tax revenues from every country on Earth. That's quite a lot of funding, don't you think?
But how come I don't see solar panels everywhere? I still see that oil is so important. What happened to scales of production? Can't you buffoons (i.e.: World leaders) come together and put your fists together? You should see more team sports matches. Putting your hands together always ends up in magic.
And while we're on the topic of king of the earth, I would end this thing called "overdrafts" and "credit purchase". If you can have the money to buy something, then you may. If you need to wait for money to come in before you can buy something, then wait. You shouldn't say you want something, then take the thing and say you'll pay 30 days later, only to realise after 3 years of not paying that you can't afford to pay. Look what over-borrowing has done to the global economy. People are bad at Financial management and Mathematics. Don't trust them to know how many iPods they can afford to pay for in 3 years' time. They don't. So don't give them iPods which they can pay for later on. They won't pay.
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So, anyone want to hire me as a columnist? No? I thought so...
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